My son at heart
by BrookeJamesSP5
Summary: After the deaths of Lily and James Potter, Mcgonagall takes it upon herself to raise Harry. Though life proves to be tough for both Harry and McGonagall as Harry gets older. Her teaching career is demanding, and she longs for him to have a better life.
1. The Untimely Death

** Just to let everyone know, I did edit the chapter a little. It isn't much but I felt like I had to make some things more clear. And some people have been asking about the blood wards, but you will find out in later chapters or maybe in the sequel it depends. But you will find out. **

**Hey guys! So yeah, this is my first fanfic and I really hope you enjoy it! I absolutely love Harry Potter and had to try to write a fanfic, and I think its coming out great. But please review and give advice. Anything to help make my stories more interesting and better over all. But remember, I'm new at this so it may not be good at first but bare with me! Anyways...I should probs have the disclaimer now sooooo**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the HP characters. They all belong to the wonderful author who is none other than Jo Rowling. **

McGonagall stands, staring at the Dursley's house, hidden in the darkness. A small baby nestles against her chest fast asleep. He looks so peaceful she can't help but smile. She laughs to herself at the irony of this situation. Only hours before, this same young boy was no doubt laughing and playing with his parents. Now his parents are dead. They are actually dead. No, not even dead. They were murdered. There will never be that same dynamic duo that once felt like they were on top of the world. No more Lily and James Potter.

Just thinking these thoughts pained her. After all, she has known both Lily and James since they were only eleven. They meant the world to her. McGonagall removed a loose strand of hair from the young boys face revealing the lightning shaped scar on his forehead. This young boy amazed her, which didn't happen very often. But she couldn't help but be awestruck. After all, he single handedly brought down Voldemort. She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Albus you startled me." McGonagall said barely over a whisper.

"Are you alright?" The headmaster asks her.

"I'm just fine. It's the boy I'm worried about. Losing his parents at such a young age is unimaginable."

"Harry will be fine Minerva. But the sooner we deliver him to the Dursleys the better." He goes to take Harry but McGonagall does not let him go.

"Albus, you can't seriously want him to go live with these muggles? Surely there has to be a better family out there for him?" Albus studies the professor before speaking.

"You know he has to be around blood relatives. We have already gone over this countless times."

"But they don't even know he exists." She looks up at Albus with such sorrow he can't bare the sight of her. "I love him Albus. I have known him for less than a year, and I love him."

"Min-" Albus starts but is cut off.

"Just hear me out! Please Albus!" McGonagall pleads just as young Harry begins to stir. Albus nods. She lowers her voice slightly. "When Lily attended Hogwarts, I grew attached to her. Don't ask me why, but I did. She was such a bright student and I felt protective over her. Once, I paid a visit to her house over summer break to answer a question she had on her transfiguration homework. I couldn't write a letter because it involved a long explanation." Minerva adds when Albus eyes her suspiciously.

"I understand. Continue."

"The second I stepped into the house, all I heard was yelling and fighting. It was awful. Her sister was arguing with her parents about something. It frightened me, to be honest. I was able to evade them completely by walking silently up the stairs in my animagus form to where I assumed was Lily's room. I pawed open the door to find a small girl curled up in the corner crying. Crying! I walked over to her but before I could transform back to myself, she picked me up and snuggled me. Lily cried into me for hours but I didn't mind what so ever. And she must have known it was be but that didn't stop her. I would have cried myself if I weren't a cat." McGonagall took a shaky breath before looking at Albus.

"I can understand why you don't want the same thing to happen to Harry, but-"

"It's not just that. You see, from that day forward I swore that I would do everything in my power to protect Lily. To give her the best life possible. And I feel that that also includes giving Lily's son, her flesh and blood, the same protection." Minerva and Albus stood in silence for a few minutes. Minerva smoothes Harry's hair, when he reaches up and wraps his small fragile fingers around hers.

"Hmm. So, it must have been very hard for you when she started going out with James?" Albus cracks a smile awaiting her response.

"Yes, it killed me! He was to troublesome for her." They both begin to laugh as Albus wraps one arm around Minerva. A tear slowly slides down her cheek.

"Please Albus. Just give me a chance to find him a better home. What about Sirius? Can't Harry live with him? He is his godfather after all."

"I am afraid that he has been locked up in Azkaban." McGonagall gasps and takes a step away from Albus.

"What?"

"Yes. It seems like he has been wrongfully accused of murder."

"But he is no murderer!"

"Yes I know. But I am afraid that not even I can change the Ministers mind." Albus sighs and refocuses back on the small house standing before them.

"So, if I were to agree with you, what will you do? Drop him off at the orphanage?"

"Heavens no! A Potter does not belong in an orphanage!"

"Then where will he go? You surely don't know of any family to care for Harry? And there are probably countless dark wizards after him at this very moment. After all, he is the boy that lived." McGonagall thinks for a moment and is hesitant to speak. She knows Albus will object the moment the words come out of her mouth. But she must at least try. Plus Albus is waiting, staring at her with those familiar blue eyes that seem to lift her spirits slightly.

"What if I were to raise Harry? It doesn't have to be permanent. Just until we find him a more suitable home" Albus tries to interject but she holds up a finger to quiet him. "I could raise him like a son. I am totally capable to do so. He needs me Albus. He's all alone in the world with no one. And like you said, there _are_ dark wizards that want nothing more than his death, which is why I feel an even stronger need to protect him Albus. I respect you and your judgment, but you can't possibly change my mind. My mind is set." Tears are streaming down her face uncontrollably now.

Albus wraps his arms around Minerva. "You will make a wonderful guardian Minerva. A wonderful _Mother_." Is all he can manage to say.

"Oh, thank you Albus! You won't regret it." She rests her head on his shoulder and snuggles little Harry close to her chest. As if to protect him from the surrounding world. She can't help but feel relieved. Now she will be able to care for Harry and do what she couldn't do for Lily. Provide safety and happiness for her son, Harry.

"I love you Minerva McGonagall." Albus said under his breath. A love that is both true, and forbidden.


	2. Five Years Later

**Hi guys! So hopefully this chapter will live up to your expectations...I'm writing it kind of late. Anyways, please, please review! I loved hearing what you had to say last chapter and can't wait to hear this chapters reviews! Oh yeah, if you would like to see or hear about any character and wants be to add them into the story I can definitely do that. Just let me know which character you would like to see and I will find a way to fit them in.**

** Happy reading!**

_ The years are passing by too quickly. _Thought Minerva as she sat on the bench daydreaming. It has been five years since the death of Lily and James. And five years since adopting their son, Harry. It is legal, the adoption, but she can't help feeling guilty. The thought of her raising Harry instead of Lily and James. It feels wrong.

She glances around her at this peaceful and beautiful scene. A meadow as green as can be with the occasional flower petal peeking just barely above the grass. Minerva adds _cut the grass_ to Hagrids to do list. _Hagrid _she thought. She remembersall to clearly the moment when Hagrid found out about the loss of his two friends. He used up every tissue in a muggle convenient store. His sobs could be heard from down the street. It was heartbreaking for Minerva, because she cares so deeply for Hagrid and hates seeing him so distressed.

At the far distance of the field lies the monster infested lake, right behind the tall oak tree that holds so many memories. McGonagall remembers looking out of her classroom window and seeing the marauders sitting under this same tree. By marauders she means James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. All of whom she hasn't seen in nearly six years. She remembers seeing them laughing and joking under the tree, always causing trouble. She can't even recall how many detentions she has had to give to thelot of them. Minerva always felt bad for Lily because James had a knack for picking on her. Out of love of course, but still.

She is snapped back into reality by a small black haired boy of about six calling her name while chasing a butterfly. He keeps calling her name, excitement in his voice, wanting her to watch him.

McGonagall laughs at his enthusiasm and replies, "Be careful Harry!"

A bell sounds behind Minerva signaling the start of lunch. And the end of her break. McGonagall sighs. It has been hard on her the past five years, trying to raise a son and teach. Teaching at Hogwarts is demanding and she has so many other students to help. And she found out very quickly that Harry loves to cry if he wakes up from a nap and she isn't holding him or feeding him. Luckily though, the students have been very helpful, and still are, by caring for Harry and looking out for him when Minerva can't. Albus also keeps an eye on him in his office whenever Minerva has an exam to give her students or must meet with another professor briefly.

Harry comes running over and tugs on her sleeve crying that he is hungry. If there is one thing he knows, it's that bell equals food. And McGonagall swears that his stomach is a bottomless pit.

"Alright, alright. We can go eat now." She smiles down at her son. _My son. _It is still so hard for her to believe so she finds herself repeating it often in her mind. Harry wraps his hand around his mothers and skips ahead, dragging her behind him. The walk up the stone steps and enter the school.

"Hello Harry!" Scarlett, a fourth year Ravenclaw bends down to look at Harry in the eyes. She has long brown hair and brown eyes. She is often the one who watches Harry for her professor. Harry half hides behind his Mother while swinging her arms that he still grips onto.

"Good morning Scarlett." Scarlett stands up and faces Professor McGonagall.

"Hello Professor. Urm, I have a question. Do you...need me to...watch Harry at all today by any chance?" McGonagall can tell she is nervous by the way she is staring hard at the ground and fidgeting with her sleeve.

"No, that's alright. He's in a tired mood today and I have no exams or meetings planned. Plus professor Dumbledore is here today and he can watch him if need be."

Scarlett looks relieved. "Thank you professor! It's just, I have a lot of studying to do tonight and..."

"It's alright Scarlett. Now if you excuse me, I have a very hungry, tired, little boy who is cutting off circulation to my arm." She smirks down at him. Scarlett nods and walks into the dining hall.

The second they walk into the dining hall, Harry launches himself forward and darts through the mob of students and calls to his friend.

"Hagrid!" His voice squeaks, quiet but audible enough to attract attention from the students. Harry jumps into arms that belong to a big man of about thirty and gets lost within his burly beard.

" 'ey Harry! How, 'ave you been?" Booms Hagrids voice.

"Hello Hagrid. It's great to have you back." Says McGonagall smiling at her friend and past student.

"Oh, 'ello professor. It's great to be back!"

"If you don't mind, I'd like to have my son back. That is, _before_ you strangle him?" She raises an eyebrow at him.

"Oh o'course professor." Hagrid puts Harry down who continues to hug Hagrid. Hagrid ruffles his hair causing it in to stand up a little at funny angles.

"Come on Harry, aren't you hungry?" She smoothes down his hair as he nods. They walk up to the professors dining table and take a seat to the right of Dumbledore and the left of Professor Sprout. McGonagall waves her wand and a stool appears for Harry to her right next to professor Sprout.

"Good afternoon Professor." Professor Dumbledore says to McGonagall who has just climbed into her chair. "How is your day?"

"Good." She pauses and then adds, "Tiring...Very tiring."" She looks over at Harry who is playing with his food that has just appeared in front of him on a silver dish. Dumbledore laughs quietly and nods in understanding. "Harry, darling. Please don't play with your food." McGonagall says when she notices it for the first time. She takes his fork out of his hand and places it next to his plate.

For the rest of lunch, Minerva talks with the other professors and the occasional student who has a question on their homework or just want to make small talk. Harry is relevantly good compared to how he usually is and Minerva can't help but to enjoy it while it lasts. No whining, complaining, or crying. She looks up at Dumbledore and smirks.

"Did you put a charm on my son?" She asks with suspicion and amusement.

"Why, whatever do you mean Minerva? I feel insulted!" The lie is so evident that they can't help but smile almost idiotically.

"Albus...?"

"Fine. I promised Harry that if he was good during lunch, after I would take him out to the quidditch pitch to watch the Gryffindor team practice."

"When did you..." Then it hit her. About a half hour ago, she excused herself to use the restroom and asked Albus to watch Harry.

"How dare you make a bargain with Harry without my knowing?" She attempts to look serious but fails almost immediately. Though she doesn't like to be lied to, she can't help but enjoy the lack of nagging.

After lunch, McGonagall, Harry, and Dumbledore walk out to the quidditch pitch and take their seats high up in the stands before practice begins. Harry points in awe as the players dressed in red and gold robes fly out onto the field and high above them. McGonagall smiles down at her son while Dumbledore merely laughs at his enthusiasm. _Wow, Dumbledore laughing... _She thought. _That's a rare sight. _I mean, she knows Albus to be a happy man and is constantly cheerful, but laughing was still rare for him. She can't help but notice how happy Harry makes him. And her as well. A sad, almost sickening feeling washes over her. The reality of why she took Harry in the first place strikes her again. Her heart begins to ache with grief and guilt.

_ Oh Lily. Why didn't I tell you that you..._

"Hello professor, headmaster. Harry." A boy of about 15 hovers in front of them on his nimbus 1000. He has red hair and his face is spotted with freckles. A pin on his robe indicates that he is the captain of the team.

"Hello Charley." Dumbledore greets with a nod.

"Hello Mr. Weasley." McGonagall chimes in, glad to be distracted. Harry waves his small hand at Charley who is a familiar friend of his.

"The season seems to be going well for you, wouldn't you say so Charley?" Dumbledore asks.

"Oh, of course professor. Well, we are in a close second behind Slytherin which is always good. Plus, nobody has been hospitalized yet which is a first." The three of them laugh at this. Even Harry smiles at the change in mood.

The three of them continue to watch the practice, waving a the Gryffindors as they pass. Charley even took Harry out on his broom a couple times. (To Minerva's disapproval of course). After practice, McGonagall was forced to leave Harry with Albus and continue her transfiguration lessons for the day. Meanwhile Harry went up to the headmasters office where Dumbledore conjured up a small bed for Harry to take a nap on. He slept longer than usual, clearly exhausted.

McGonagall went to gather Harry for supper and finds him fast asleep on Albus's lap. Before she could ask, Albus answers what he knows she will ask.

"He was fast asleep in his bed when he began to cry in his sleep. Another nightmare probably. So I gathered him onto my lap and he stopped crying and shivering."

"Was it of you-know-who? The nightmare I mean?"

"I'm not sure. But if I had to make a guess, that would be mine." Minerva sighed and sat in a spare chair next to Albus. He wrapped his arm around her as she snuggles against him.

"Do you think we should tell him? When he is older, I mean. I would never tell him now but, maybe when he is old enough to understand." Dumbledore nods his head and watches a tear slide down Minerva's face. She falls asleep in his arms, not even thinking about going to supper. She would much rather be in the arms of the two people she loves most. Albus Dumbledore, and Harry Potter.


	3. The First Of September

** Hey fellow readers, writers, and Potter fanatics! I understand that it has been a few day since the last time I updated...(my apologies) Anyways, I have decided that the first two chapters have been slightly to vague so I am going to start to make more detailed chapters.**

** Oh yeah, and if you want me to add in any character to make the story more interesting let me know! You can P.M me or tell me in a review.**

** Anyways...Please, Please review! I love hearing what you have to say! **

** Happy Reading!**

"Time to get up, Harry!"Harry groans and pulls the covers over his head. He tries to go back to sleep, but was woken up again by a knock on his bedroom door.

"It's too early!" He moans, looking over at the clock next to is bed that reads seven thirty. A few minutes of silence pass. Harry sighs and snuggles back into his bed closing his eyes.

"Harry James Potter!" The sharpness of her voice startles Harry. Before he knows it, he ends up on the floor struggling against his blankets that refuses to let him go. "Awake this instant! And quit being lazy, we have much to do!" Harry, now freed from the wrath of his blankets stands up rubbing his head. He doesn't even bother to dress before walking out of his bedroom.

He walks out to the living room and slumps onto the couch pulling his knees to his chest. He stifles a yawn and looks around at the house he once hated not too long ago. When he turned eight a few months ago, Albus suggested for him and his mother to leave Hogwarts only during the summer, and go live in Minerva's old home in Hogsmeade. Albus figured it would be better for him if he could grow up in a regular house and not some office with a living room, inside a school. So Harry could have a normal summer, Albus had said. Harry had argued at first and refused to leave. After all, Hogwarts was the only place Harry had ever known. He loved being with the professors and playing with Hagrid and his dog Fang. But after a while, he agreed and moved into this house with his mother. Well, it isn't necessarily a house, but a shack or cottage.

And after a month or so, this house began to grow on him. Plus, Honey dukes is only a few blocks away. He looks up at his mother who enters the room in a haste trying to do a million things at once.

"Mother, what's the hurry?" He asks curiously.

"It's September first, Harry! The students will be arriving in about eight hours and I have so much to do." Excitement floods Harry. He has forgotten that today is the first of September. That means that they get to move back to their old home in Hogwarts! Forgetting about how tired he is, he walks over to his mother who is trying to prepare breakfast, and look over some paperwork floating in front of her.

"Mother, would you like any help with anything?"

"Why don't you go pack your things. And make sure you don't forget anything." Harry nods and runs to his bedroom. His bedroom is down a small hall next to the living room and his Mothers bedroom. Though most of the time he ends up sleeping with his Mother because of the nightmares that haunt his almost every dream. He throws open his bedroom door accidentally slamming it into the wall. He winces and waits for his mother to reprehend him. But she doesn't which is a shock. He pulls the suitcase out from under his bed and begins to throw his clothes in first along with a book on his nightstand. _Tales of Beedle the Bard_. His mother reads from it every night to him. It is one of his utmost favorite storybooks.

After stripping his room of his belongings, he drags it out to the living room where he tries to fit the rest of his books into the suitcase. Harry has to bounce on the suitcase to try to close the latch which is refusing to oblige.

"Time for breakfast!" Harry ignores his mother out of complete frustration. "Harry what are you do-" She walks into the living room and smiles at her son. He glars at her when he notices her standing there smiling.

"Mommy! It won't close!" He whines jumping off the suitcase, giving up and pouting.

"Oh Harry. There is no need to whine. Have you already forgotten that I am a witch?" He watches in amazement as Minerva waves her wand over the suitcase, which closes and latches tightly.

"But Mommy! My dragons aren't in their yet!" McGonagall sighs.

"Harry, aren't you getting a little too old to whine? Shall I put you down for a nap?" She raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms.

"But-" He begins.

"Harry please." McGonagall walks over to Harry and places her hands on his shoulders. "Today is going to be a very busy day. And Mommy will need your help. Unless you would rather cry then help me.." Harry shakes his head quickly. He hates to be treated like a child, but his mother is right and needs his help.

"I'm sorry." He whispers looking down at her bare feet.

"Oh Harry, what did I do to deserve such a wonderful young man." She hugs him before leading him to the kitchen.

Harry sits across from his mother at the table. In front of him is a plate of toast and eggs. "It isn't much..." Harry begins stuffing his face with the food which stops Minerva and makes her laugh.

After breakfast, Harry finishes getting ready and grabs his box full of dragons. He meets his mother at the front door with his suitcase.

"Do you have everything?" She asks. Harry nods, then gasps.

"Wait, I forgot something!" He shoves the dragons into her arms and takes off running towards his room.

_ How could I have possibly forgotten! _Harry thinks as he pushes open his door. He reaches under his pillow, and pulls out a well preserved photograph. He stares at the people in the photo. A girl of about twenty with glowing red hair and sparkling green eyes like his own, is standing next to a tall, thin man with messy black hair and glasses and brown eyes. He wraps his arm around the girl who is holding a small bundle in her arms. Barely visible is a small boy with the same messy hair as his father and green eyes like his mother. Harry has many pictures of his parents, but this is his favorite. Minerva has told him that this is the last picture taken of them before their untimely death. He holds the picture up to his chest and takes a slow shaky breath and slips it into his jean pocket.

He runs back over to the doorway where his mother is waiting. He nods at her and they walk into the blinding sunlight. The streets of Hogsmeade are busy with people out and about shopping. Minerva waves her wand over the suitcase before walking down her porch steps. It turns into a small box small enough to fit in your pocket. She reaches down and grabs Harry's hand before walking out into the mob of people. Many people stop and greet Harry and his mother as they make their way to the train station. One reason why Harry likes his new home so much is that he seems to be very popular. He knows why of course, but he still likes the attention.

"Hey Mom, could we go to Honey dukes?" He looks at the small candy shop a little ways ahead of them and longs for one of their sweets.

"Not now Harry. We must get to Hogwarts as soon as possible. But maybe Hagrid will take you down later?" He smiles at the mention of his friend. Hagrid has always been like a father to Harry. Well, so has Albus, but he is always so busy he can rarely play with him anymore. Plus, Hagrid always tells Harry stories about his parents. He loves to hear about them, but everybody he meets hate to talk about them at all. Especially his mother. Whenever Harry brings up his real mother and father, Minerva looks on the verge of tears so Harry drops the subject. But Hagrid can talk for hours about them.

When they reach the train station, Harry runs ahead to a small man no taller than himself who is talking to a train conductor.

"Hello Filius!" Harry squeaks with excitement.

"Harry, it's _professor_ _Flitwick_." McGonagall says sternly. But the professor just simply laughs.

"Oh, it's alright Minerva."He turns to Harry. "Well, hello there Harry. How was your summer?"

"Oh it was great! But I am so glad to be back!" Filius laughs again.

"Come on Harry. We still have much to do and Filius is busy at the moment."

They walk through the entire train station as quickly as possible. When they reach the path that leads up to Hogwarts, Harry smiles with excitement. In the distance, he sees the familiar school. A castle, he likes to call it. It looms high above the treetops of the Forbidden forest. It's made of stone that is sturdy, but definitely old. They push through the large metal gate separating the school from the rest of the wizarding world. They are finally back onto Hogwarts ground.

In the distance, Harry can see the blue lake reflecting the light from the summer sun. The Forbidden forest looms in the distance behind the school. Though grassy meadows take up most of the grounds along with the occasional tree. As they near Hogwarts, Harry spots Hagrids hut surrounded by his garden that Harry often helps him to look after. Steam billows out of the chimney meaning Hagrid is home.

"Can we visit Hagrid?"

"Not now Harry. I thought you wanted to help with the preparations for the students?"

"Oh right. I forgot. So, what exactly do we have to do?"

"Well, first we have to prepare the Great Hall and make sure all of the tables are set. Then we must check the student list and make sure I have every first year written down. We must also make sure the sorting hat is alright as well as check in with each professor including the Headmaster."

"Why do you have to do so much? Can't the other professors help you?" She smiles down at Harry.

"Well Harry, I'm the deputy Headmistress." Seeing Harry's confusion, she continues. "It is like the Headmaster. I am in charge of the first year students and must make sure everything is perfect for their arrival."

"Will I be the deputy Headmaster, like you?" She laughs and shrugs.

"Who knows. Maybe." They enter the Great Hall still hand in hand.

The four long table are pushed up against the wall along with the teacher table. A few of the teachers are bustling back and forth. Harry spots Albus talking to Professor Sprout by the podium with the Golden owl. Harry took a few steps towards the center of the Great Hall amazed because this is the first time that he has seen the Great Hall before the students arrived at the beginning of first term. Harry follows his Mother as she walks up to Albus and Pomona.

"Ah, good morning Minerva! Little Harry." Pomona greets.

"Good morning Pomona." McGonagall answers, though looking at Albus.

"Well, I should be going. Much to do!" Pomona says, sensing the tension between Minerva and Albus. She scurries out of the room.

"Harry." Harry looks up at the mention of his name. "Why don't you go see if Professor Snape needs any help." Harry groans and tries to protest. "Please Harry." Harry decides not to argue any further and went to go look for Snape, still clutching his box of dragons.

Harry spots Snape walking by the Great Hall. Well actually, all he saw was a cape swish by, but that usually means it is Snape. Harry runs out of the Great Hall and looks down the hallway he had seen Snape go down. Snape is only a few yards away from Harry. The little boy runs after the professor, trying so hard to keep up with his long strides.

"Severus! Severus! _Snape_!" Harry calls after the man who refuses to answer the boy. When Harry catches up with him, he grabs on to his cloak in an attempt to stop him. Snape stopps suddenly causing Harry to bump into him. He sneers down at the boy with such anger that Harry winces.

"Never call me by that, Potter." He hisses. "What is it that you could possibly want."

"Well..." Harry whispers nervously, all confidence gone by the penetrating glare Snape gives him.

"Well spit it out Potter! I don't have all day."

"I was just, urm, wondering if there was anything you need me to help you with."

Snape sighs. Clearly a waste of his time. "No." was all he said before continuing down the hall. Harry, now determined, had to trot to keep up with him.

"But my mother said to ask you if there is anything I could do."

"I'm afraid not Potter. If you want to be most helpful, I would suggest going back to the Great Hall to set the tables. And leave me alone. There, is that help enough for you?"

Harry stops and pouts. "Fine. But I'm going to tell my mother what you said. And how rude you are!" Snape snickers at the threat.

"Albus, is something wrong?" Minerva asks the Headmaster as Harry disappears out of the room.

"What do you mean Minerva?" He turns to look at her with his crystal blue eyes.

"Well, it seems you have been ignoring me recently."

"Minerva, you are imagining things. I am not ignoring you." He turns away to finish polishing his owl podium. Minerva reaches out and gently grabs his arm.

"Albus, I am not a troll! I can tell that you are avoiding me!" Her voice is persistent but only a whisper. Albus just shakes his head and doesn't respond. "Come on Albus, Harry will be back any moment. Do you actually think Severus has something for Harry to do? Severus barely does anything at all!" Albus can't stop a smile cross his face. He sighs and looks Minerva in the eyes.

"I don't want to become too attached to him, Minerva. The last time I became attached to a student, she was gone before I had the chance to even get to know her well. You don't understand Minerva, I am starting to love little Harry as I with his mother. And I am afraid that if I continue to become attached to him, something horrible will happen."

"Like death."

"Precisely."

Minerva gasped. "That's why you wanted us to leave the school! For your own personal reasons."

"No Minerva. I also feared that he may be a little too comfortable here. If he is to attend Hogwarts with the rest of the kids his age than he must have some distance from the school. We must try to make him feel as normal as possible. He is just a boy, Min. A young, confused, hurt boy."

"He is not just a boy Albus! He is you gr-"

"I know what he is. Let's finish this conversation another time perhaps?" He nods towards the doors where Harry has appeared. Harry runs over to join them, pouting.

"Snape says there is nothing for me to do." Albus laughs and pats the boys head.

"Don't take it too personal. Snape seems to hate everybody. Not just you my boy." McGonagall studies Dumbledore's face before facing the rest of the Great Hall.

"Harry, watch this." She says as she take out her wand and holds it up. "_Wingadium Leviosa!_" McGonagall chants forcefully. A shiver runs down Harry's spine. He can sense powerful magic when there is any. Before his very eyes the four long table that were pushed against the walls, now all are floating to their usual spots. Each table represents a house, Harry soon learned. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. And when you first arrive at Hogwarts, you are sorted into one of the houses who basically become your family for seven years. Harry had always hoped to end up in Gryffindor. Mostly because his mother is their head of house. After all of the tables settled into place, their house flags appeared above them.

"Wow! That was amazing! Will I be able to do that one day?" Minerva laughs and holds Harry close to her.

"I am sure of it." But deep down, she waisn'tsn't so happy. The conversation with Albus still tugs at her and she looks over at him and mouthed...a suggestion?...No, an order.

_ We will continue this conversation tonight. _


	4. A Fear To Love

** Hey guys! So this chapter is finally up and I am sooooo sorry for the delay! I have been suffering from major writers block and this chapter is important but apparently also the hardest one to write yet! Anyways I really hope you guys like this chapter.**

** Also just a reminder...if you also want to see any characters in this just let me know and I can fit them in somewhere. As you will see, Nymphadora is briefly mentioned and she will become more involved as the story progresses. **

** So here's the chapter! And please review. I take constructive criticism really well and the more reviews I get the faster I update!**

** Enjoy! Brooke.**

The students arrived right on time just as they always do at the start of term. Harry awaited anxiously at the Professors table, unable to contain his excitement. He had to grip the sides of the chair to prevent himself from running after his Mother. Dumbledore smiled down at him from where he was sitting, to Harry's immediate left. Harry looked up at Dumbledore and smiled warmly.

"Is Charlie coming back this year?" Harry asked rather loud despite how quiet the room was. The other Professors halted their conversations to listen to little Harry. It was easy to tell how much all of the professors cared for Harry. That is, except for Snape who just sneered at the little obnoxious boy.

"I'm afraid not my boy. Charlie graduated last year." At the sight of Harry's disappointment, he hastily added, "But don't worry! Nymphadora is coming back! And she is the head girl of her house." Harry's little eyes lit up.

"Really? Nymph is coming back?" Dumbledore nodded his head and patted Harry's head as he often did.

Dumbledore frowned slightly when he looked at Harry's plate.

"Harry, are you going to finish your chocolate frogs?" His stomach growled but he pretended not to notice. Harry just laughed and shook his head.

"No, you can have one if you wish. I've already had a dozen."

Earlier, Hagrid had taken a restless Harry down to Honeydukes so his Mother could actually get _some_ work done. Harry had, of course, not complained. So McGonagall had given him a galleon to spend which he eagerly split with a starving Hagrid. They had eaten nearly a dozen in Honeydukes so Harry had no problem giving Dumbledore a few since they still had about ten left over.

Only a few minutes later, the doors in the Great Hall swung open and a swarm of students filled the Great Hall, taking their places at their house table. Harry scanned the crowd excitedly looking for his friend. He spotted Nymph taking her place at the head of the Hufflepuff table. When she looked over at him he leaned over the table and waved to her. She exchanged the gesture before turning back to her friends. Harry tried to sit back in the chair but almost fell right over the edge of the table, if it weren't for Dumbledore who had caught him in time.

"Careful Harry. How do you suppose your Mother would react if I told her you fell off of the _table_?" Harry smiled and thanked Dumbledore.

The doors opened for the second time, revealing McGonagall standing firm before leading the line of first years across the hall. They all lined up in front of the professor table. Although Harry hated to see other people upset, he was amused each year by how scared, no frightened, the first years are. Their shaking bodies almost makes him feel dizzy.

The sorting went by rather quickly and Dumbledore made his usual speech that students were not allowed out of the common rooms after ten, and that the forbidden forest was off limits to all. After both Albus and Minerva had settled down in their seat, the food appeared on the plates laid out in front of them. Harry could hear all of the gasps from the first years, especially from the muggle-borns who were not yet used to magic. The young boy began to stuff his face not caring about his manners. He only began to slow down when Dumbledore gave him that look that told Harry he was basically being a git.

For some reason, Harry is in between his Mother and Albus which was unusual, but Minerva seemed to be content with talking to Pomona, the herbology teacher and head of Hufflepuff. There was a question that was bugging Harry for some time, so he turned to Dumbledore. But the words were out of his mouth before he realized what he had said.

"Hey Dad, when do I get to attend Hogwarts as a student." He gasped and looked down quickly. He clenched his fists and teeth. He had never call Dumbledore Dad before. _That's because he isn't my father in any way, shape, or form! He is professor Dumbledore, but definitely not my Father._

Harry could tell that he caught Dumbledore off guard and that he was at a loss for words. "I-I'm sorry, sir." he whispered so soft that Albus could barely make out what he had said. But Albus did hear him. Every word and it hurt him.

This rest of dinner was quiet and neither Dumbledore nor Harry spoke to one another again. Harry was relieved when his Mother led him down to bed before the mad rush of lost and confused first years. Harry was glad to be back at his Hogwarts home. It felt more, natural. Plus he could tell his Mother felt more at ease and at home here. This place clearly made her happy. He crawled into his bed and allowed his Mother to tuck him in and read from _The Tales Of Beetle The Bard_. And when Harry began to snore, Minerva closed the book and placed it beside his bed. She sighed and removed his glasses from his face, placing them on top of the book. She kissed him gently on the forehead and walked out of the room into her office where she began to prepare for the first week lessons.

When the clock struck midnight, Minerva decided it was safe enough to speak with professor Dumbledore now. She closed the door to her office softly behind her, making sure not to wake Harry. Before leaving, she made sure to carefully ward the door to their quarters so as to ensure Harry can't leave, and no one can enter. The hallways were quiet and deserted as she made her way up to Dumbledore's office.

"Lemon drops and butterflies." She sighed once she reached the gargoyle blocking the entrance to the headmasters office. It jumped aside and allowed her to pass. _Seriously Albus. Could you be any more immature? Lemon drops and butterflies! I may have to start coming up these passwords._

The Headmasters office is a spacious room, cluttered with magical objects of every kind. From Sneak-a-scopes, to dark detectors, to a pensieve hidden in the corner of the room. Bookshelves line the walls filled to the brim with books ancient and new. The headmasters desk lays near the back of the room with a sole wooden chair in front of it for use of any visitors. A more comfortable, royal blue velvet chair sits behind the desk where Albus is usually found. Although Dumbledore is a busy man, he usually manages to keep his room spotless to set an example for the other professors. Although Harry makes that impossible for Minerva.

But as Minerva ascends the stairs and gently pushes open the door, she is greeted by an unusual sight to say the least. The once spacious room is cluttered with papers and books of all kinds. Some of the books lay open across the floor with small notes etched into the pages. The room is a total disaster. Minerva scanned the dim room, waiting for her eyes to finally adjust to the lack of light. When her eyes did adjust, Albus was nowhere to be found.

A squawk came from the back corner of the room. She turned towards it and held out her arm smiling. A second later, a phoenix flew over to her and landed gracefully on her welcoming arm. It's golden fiery feathers glistened in the dark as it cooed at the Professor. In response, Minerva stroked the birds feathers, sighing at the warmth and good feelings it gave to her.

"Why hello Fawkes." The bird reached up and nipped at her ear affectionately. "You don't, by any chance, know where Albus is, do you? I must speak with him." Without hesitation, Fawkes took flight, flew around the room a few times (only causing the papers to make more of a mess) and took off through the open window.

Minerva turned her attention back to the mess in front of her. She raised her wand and swept it over the room while saying, "Scourgify!" Instantly, the room began to clean itself. The books all closed and flew back to their rightful places on the shelf while the papers began to fly away in a mad dash to find a suitable drawer or spot on the Headmasters desk. When she finished, she walked over to the desk and settled in Dumbledore's chair, clutching her necklace she got long ago. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts, she didn't notice herself drifting off to sleep.

Minutes later, Albus stepped through his fireplace in his office. He brushed the ashes off of his clothes and waved his wand, making the ashes now on the carpet disappear. With another wave of his wand, the candles lining the walls went ablaze. Albus almost gasped in shock to see Minerva curled on his chair, obviously fast asleep. Of course, he knew beforehand that Minerva was waiting for him in his office because Fawkes had told him. But this was a sight to behold. A warmth coursed through his veins. Just the thought of Minerva being so comfortable in his room made him content beyond belief. He walked over to her and knelt down beside her. Albus studied her face for a moment. He misses seeing her like this. Peaceful, and happy. Lost in a world of dreams and away from evil.

He misses seeing her sleep above all else. She just gets this beautiful look to her when sleeping. He brushes a loose strand of hair out of her face and tucks it behind her ear.

_ I wish I didn't have to do this my love. I wish I don't have to wake you. _Albus thought to himself while getting back to his feet. But at the same time, he knows quite well that Minerva would be furious if he just let her sleep in his office all night without waking her. Plus, Harry would eventually wake, and he would surely panic if his mother wasn't there.

Albus gently shook Minerva's shoulder and softly saying her name. She began to stir immediately but refused to open her eyes.

"Come on, Min. You have to wake." At the use of her pet name, she allowed her eyes to flutter open as she looked deep into his own.

"Did you just call me Min? Wow has it been a while since you've called me Min." Her voice barely a whisper, still half asleep. Dumbledore chuckled softly resting his hand on her shoulder. Before he responded, Minerva closed her eyes again. After a moments silence she spoke again.

"You owe me."

"I owe you?" Minerva nodded at his question. "For what, my dear?" He asked, confusion evident in his voice.

Instead of speaking, Minerva used her hand to motion for him to look around the room. Albus looked around with an eyebrow raised. His eyes widened as he noticed the room for the first time. He stood up slowly to get a better look at his once messy office, which is now spotless to say the least. He chuckled once more before turning back towards his professor.

"Ah, you were always exceptional at that spell if I remember correctly." Minerva smiled before getting to her feet, now fully awake, and coming to stand in front of Albus.

"Hm, so you remember? So do you also remember why I became exceptional at it? Living in a house with you, I had to be!" Albus cringed at the memory.

"Well, I must say that my living conditions have improved. My house is, more neat these days." Minerva raised an eyebrow at Albus. But before she went to retort, she sighed and dropped the conversation.

"Albus, you know why I am here." She faced the headmaster and looked him in the eyes, her face losing its light humor and becoming serious. The headmaster returned the sigh and nodded reluctantly. Minerva waved her wand and transfigured the lone wooden chair into a small, more comfortable couch. She sat down and motioned for Albus to follow suit.

"I love Harry, Minerva." Albus said, getting straight to the point.

"I know you-" Albus held up his finger to quiet her before continuing.

"Please let me finish Minerva. I love Harry. That much will always be true. He, like his mother and even his father, has grown on me." He took a deep breath and looked at Minerva. She waits patiently, keeping eye contact and listening intently. "Love is a precious thing Minerva. I know that all too well. What I also know, is how easily the ones you love can disappear. Long ago, I used to Love easily. I was an open man who brought people into my life and loved them without hesitation. Whether like a father, a friend, or...lover." He reached over and grabbed Minerva's hand, enter twining their fingers causing her to look away momentarily and blush. But she still remained silent.

"But after a few years, it seemed that my love wasn't worth giving. Everyone that I deeply cared for left my life forever, abandoning my love and leaving me alone in the world. My mother, of whom I deeply loved, passed away early as did my only sister. I should have been able to protect them Min. I was the man of the house and I let my dear mother and little sister die. Two of my most beloved people in my life, gone before I even knew what love is. And then not long after, my brother left me out of anger and hatred. He accused me of the death of my family and refused to love me ever again. Although I would like to say that my love for him has remained all these years, it has simply...faded.

"Grindelwald, who was once a dear friend of mine, used my love for him against me. I was blinded by this love and didn't see the monster he was becoming. Until one day, I realized that if I didn't follow his ways and believe in what he believed in, then he would no longer care for or love me as a friend. And that is no way to love. And when I faced him in that legendary battle and locked him away in prison, well, that speaks for itself. That love was lost for good. And my love for you...well...you know that story." Minerva nodded her head, a sad and longing look in her eyes as she remembered their own heartbreaking story.

"Now on the other hand, the love I felt for Lily Evans I thought would never cease. She was, well, like a daughter to me in more ways than one. And although I could only see her as a student, I began to love her as a father does to his little girl. And of course, eventually I began to feel the same way about James Potter seeing as he married Lily. And when little Harry was born, I was ecstatic! I was, _am_, so proud of Lily. My love for them only strengthened. But when I heard the news that Voldemort was going after the Potters, it seemed like Déjà vu. I again, felt like that love was going to be taken away. When I heard the news of Lily and James' death, I felt like actually crying. Something I have only ever done once before. But I knew I had to protect little Harry. I owed it to Lily and James to care and continue to love their son. Which is why I was willing to let you care for Harry.

"So as you can see, Harry is, for the most part, the only love I still have. Or...at least the only one I can openly express." He gripped Minerva's hand tighter as tears began to well up in her eyes. "Which is why, yes, I have been slightly avoiding Harry. I hope this answers your question. But no, I am not avoiding _you_. That love is already too strong to completely ignore." He paused, letting all of this sink into Minerva. He can see all the emotions running across her face. Regret.

Grief. Love. Lust. Confusion.

She held back her tears, trying to make herself look calm and collected, though Albus can see straight through her mask.

"But why are you avoiding Harry? I still don't understand." Her voice was barely a whisper, and she wasn't completely sure if he had heard her at all because he didn't respond, but instead looked away. She waited patiently for an answer.

"I love him Minerva, I really do. No matter how little I show it, it is there. The reason I try to hide it and keep my distance is because terrible, unthinkable things happen to the people I love. Whether its death, or hatred, of it becomes forbidden. I would never forgive myself if something happens to our Harry. I wouldn't know what to do. It would be too much. I wouldn't want to live anymore." He took a deep breath and glanced back at Minerva and saw a tear slip down her cheek. The transfiguration professor didn't even bother to hold them back.

"Wait, did you saw our Harry?" Her voice was still soft. Albus wiped a tear away from her cheek with his index finger as he nodded.

"I have always thought to him as our Harry. I love him as much as you, and wish I could be more involved in his life."

"Albus, you must know that nothing bad will happen to Harry just because you show love towards the boy?" There was a sharp edge in her voice as she became serious again.

Albus shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. In truth, whether I believe that or not, I couldn't bring myself to show too much love for Harry."

"But-"

"Fear, Minerva, fear. It is a powerful thing. Personally, I believe that fear and love go hand in hand. Sometimes love overcomes fear, or fear overcomes love. And sadly I am the latter. Maybe one day this will not be the case, but with the events from my past, scars have been left where they can never heal."

"Sometimes scars heal."

"That is true, it is possible. But unlikely. All I am saying Minerva, is that I cannot bring myself to love Harry as much as I did his mother." They sat in silence for what seemed like forever until Albus spoke again.

"He called me Dad today." Minerva shot her head up and looked at him bewildered.

"He what?"

"Yes, he did. We were having a normal conversation and laughing, and then all of a sudden, he just called me Dad. It was such an amazing feeling and to be honest, I just wanted to pull the boy close to me and call him my son. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. And the worst part was that he looked ashamed of himself for calling me that. As if he thought I would be angry with him!" Minerva held back the tears at these last few words.

"He wouldn't feel that way if you expressed your love for him more. He thinks that you are no more than a headmaster to him, and that he is no more then another one of your students." Silence overcame the room again until Minerva spoke up this time.

"Well you don't have to love Harry as much as his mother. But you could at least be somewhat more involved in his life. You did say he is _our_ Harry."

"Yes, yes I did. I can't help how I already feel. And I will try to spend more time with him. But I just can't bring myself to love him overly."

"He is a young boy Albus. A young fragile boy who lost his parents before he could even walk, he has no friends his age, and no living relatives who care a bloody hell about him. Not to mention that eventually Voldemort will return, as you well know. And when he does, he will have one thing on his mind. To kill Harry Potter, the boy who lived. Harry needs all the love he can get." Neither of them spoke. There was nothing left to say. Albus knew all of this is true, even the last part. But he couldn't bring himself to speak. Instead, he wrapped his arm around Minerva, who in turn curled up into him, resting her head on his chest. She allowed the held in tears to stream down her face now, as she remembered the horrific end to her friends, and the future that was laid out for Harry. Albus transfigured the couch into an actual bed and laid down with Minerva still snuggled up to him. H wrapped his other arm around her and gently kissed the top of her head while listening to her quiet sobs echo throughout the room. Her small body shaking from the force of it.

And for the second time in his life, he cried. Albus cried. For fear. For grief. For lust and love. Or whatever the reason may be. He allowed a single tear to slide down his cheek. And then, they both drifted off to sleep, into a world of dreams and true, never ending love.

** I hope you guys liked this chapter! I plan to update more frequently now. And again, reviews are always welcome! I would like to reach 20 if possible! **


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